smiling so hard, my cheeks begin to ache.

he says i don't care anymore.

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 20:01:55 GMT

throw yourself on the frigid bathroom tile, bleed your tears of discomfort, heartache and deplore; they mean nothing. your meager body will fade fast, thats what you want right? to end it all? to cease the discomfort of being so severed? the faucet drips to the beat of every pain-stricken breath you take, mocking your will to exist. oh honey, the mirror is smeared with your loathing and malignancy; with hopes of someone to break the locks of that bathroom door and read it. the pleasing pink lipstick it is written in, or shall i say furiously scribbled in, recites what was illustrious. one sentence can make or break you; one word can batter and scatter that already discrete heart of yours, but those infamous three words, yea you know the three words everyone hopes to swap with their darling, the three words that are supposed to make you feel magical and marvelous, as if you are floating away in a sea of eternal bliss; yea those three words, they can crucify everything you are; drown you in a sea of forgetting and regret (which just so happen to be your own tears). bless you with tears because you have absolutely nothing left, nothing to hold on to. your bony fingers fondle the cold tile and you secretly find warmth in it. lying there you realize that the smeared mirror is sad but true, but you see a beautiful silhouette concealed behind the hurtful utterances written in front of your very eyes. disgust encircles you, smashing your reflections with a fist of resentment. is it over? no it will never be over. but you, tormented and beautiful; will be ok.

lost five dollars.

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 22:42:36 GMT

so basically, all that matters to me lately are friday and saturday nights, everyone i see those days and everything i do those days. i obviously have no time to be upset or depressed at all for that matter...i guess that's what friends do to a girl and i possibly, like it. but i can't help but care that this is it, really, and how its time to move on, and how disheartening it is to know that i'm not sure if i want to. the parties are invigorating, especially with him. my new/old friends enjoy so much time with eachother, we sip drinks and dancedancedance and for some reason always have to be singing, which is cute. oh yea and winter, needs to be over with; warmer weather would make things so much better. that's it for now. <3

i'm bacccccck?

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 16:11:52 GMT

name: janelle
single or taken: single
sex: female.
birthday: December 8
siblings: Kelly, Angelina and gene.
hair color: blonde.
eye color: HazelGreenYellowish
height: 5'4"

r e l a t i o n s h i p s
who is you best friend? Tigen[!!!!!!]
do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: not exactly.

f a s h i o n s t u f f
where is your favorite place to shop: right now, probably amvets or forever 21.
any tattoos or piercings: not as of yet.

s p e c i f i c s
do you do drugs?: no, honestly.
what kind of shampoo do you use?: dumb blonde
what are you most scared of?: being alone, &&&&whales.
who is the last person that called you?: phil hall cause he loves me.
Where do you want to get married?: somewhere warm
what would you change about yourself?: I wish I wasnt so fucking gullible/oblivious to everything.

f a v o r i t e s
color: pink, white.
food: CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES.
boys names: pace, dylan
girls names: peyton, carmen
subjects in school: my school? mmm COSMETOLOGY.
animals: kittens or white tigers

h a v e y o u e v e r
given anyone a bath?: yes.
bungee jumped?: no.
made yourself throw up?: yes.
skinny dipped?: yes
ever been in love?: yes.
made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: yes.
actually seen your crush naked?: no. yuck.
cried when someone died?: yes.
lied: unfortunatly, yes.
fallen for your best friend?: umm.. kind of. One of my good friends.
been rejected?: yes.
rejected someone? yess.
done something you regret?: yes.

c u r r e n t
clothes: Pjs, warm ones.
music: boys 2 men- Motown philly
make-up: worn makeup from this morning.
annoyance: my life. ew.
in cd player: hanson
in dvd player: NAPOLEON DYNAMITE.
in vcr: getting there

l a s t p e r s o n
you touched: Kelly just hugged me<3
hugged: kellyyyyy
you im'ed: chris
you yelled at: tracy but I was telling her a story, I wasn’t being mean.
you kissed: ha

a r e y o u
understanding: to an extent
open-minded: very.
arrogant: sometimes.
insecure: yes.
interesting: I hope so.
random: HAHAAAA extremely.
hungry: not right now
smart: yes, sometimes I say stupid things though.
moody: yes
organized: not at all
shy: sometimes.
difficult: I can be.
attractive: eh
messy: most of the time

r a n d o m
In the morning I: drink coffee
love is: fucking hard
i dream about: things I want to happen

o p p o s i t e s e x
what do you notice first: hair, clothes, shoes.
last person you slow danced with: umm.. brad.
worst question to ask: "but were going to have sex, right?" URGHHHHHH.
who makes you laugh the most: lately, krysta, adam and tigen
who makes you smile?: my friends…all of them. Sweet talking boys.
who do you have a crush on: hahaha

d o y o u e v e r
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you?: helllno.
wish you were a member of the opposite sex: always. Girls suck.
wish you were younger: yeah...responsibility sucks.
cry because someone said something about you?: yes.

n u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: a couple.
of hearts i have broken: couldn’t tell ya
of guys i've kissed: you honestly, dont want to know.
of girls i've kissed: a couple, gets peoples attention, my goodness.
of continents i have lived in: 1
of tight friends: a handful
of cds i own: enough.
of scars on my body: a few. 4 wheeler accident HAHAHA
gold or silver: silver.
. what was the last film you saw at the movies: meet the fockers.
. favorite cartoon/animal: haha, uhhh..
. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: cough drops
. who would you love being locked in a room with?: adam brody

I N T E R E S T I N G
. could you live without your computer?: probably
. would you color your hair?: yeah, I have before.
. could you ever get off the computer?: yes
. habla espanol? A little.
. how many people are on your buddy list?: 200. the maxxxx
. drink alcohol?: occasionally

awww janelle updated with a survey. how cute.

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 05:14:36 GMT

he's a liar;
and believes the lies he makes.

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 15:16:35 GMT

he told me that this was not another lie & to just calm down, but the rebel inside shouted; OH HELL NO.
i will not go through this again, not with you & NOT WITH HER. you think my riot is a fucking joke? well mister, the only joke is on you!
my mom asked what that old boys name was again & she described him perfectly; the one that picks you up late at night, the one daddy wants to kill. oh mom, thats derek. he's harmless & i'm still in love.
the joke is on me. we never quit & he never started.
its an off again, it was never on again, kind of romance & its far from sweet. that boy watches his tongue & he moves slowly.
they asked, could you see yourself with him?
my answer was yes. yes. yes. damnit, yes. but we all know how that would end up.

PRINCE! PRINCE! time is wasting. you're not here with me and wherever you are, i'm sure you're lying. this is the last call before the end. ten. nine. eight. seven. six. five. four. three. two. one. you lost your chance. its gone for good.
oh take me home someone, i yelled. but no one had a car quick enough to get me away from this disaster.

i'm sixteen, sorry.

Sun, 18 Jul 2004 15:42:57 GMT

the boys are asking me, "why do you hold onto something like that?" and i always respond with an "i can't let go."
they're asking me, "could i take you out some time?" they're saying, "can i come over for a little?" "would you want to see a movie with me, sometime?" and i say no. i can't. well, maybe i can. but i might be busy.
they just keep saying, "could we just makeout? it doesn't have to mean anything." well, yes. i'm free. so i guess it's alright.
but dont you expect me to come back. i'm just temporary, remember? and i'm not going to call you in the morning and we'll laugh about this later.

maybe someone can help me let go.

i thought it would be over by now.

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 16:48:40 GMT

hello boy, let me just explain.
i am not searching for love with you, you are a fling and by next month i will remember your name, and i will remember my fasination with you, but i will not remember to call you.
place your lips on mine. maybe they won't fit perfectly, but we can still try.
i want late night meetings that end in tears and laughs. oh, boy, make me laugh. because in a month i won't forget how different you were & why i fell, but i'll forget to call and that makes all the difference.
maybe this is love in a different form, or maybe it is just my teenage eyes filled with infacuations.

don't forget me when i'm gone.

lindsay. shauna. and janelle. we know how to work it.

Mon, 28 Jun 2004 16:23:22 GMT

i walked up to him, & he whispered "i give your dancing two thumbs up."
my eyes gave him a satisfied look & i walked on to the dance floor; yet again.[his stare just made my knees want to collapse to the floor. but i had to keep moving.]
his song came on. please don't let this stop, it's only making me crumble.
my body pressed against his & he whispered "you got me going crazy, you, turn me on." he smiled & he kissed me; then guilt set in & we stepped back.
oh i'm sorry; i was enjoying that a little too much sir & i don't think its quite healthy for this to be going on. but i slipped & kissed him again. and again. and again.
close bodies; hot & guilty. but this was better than before; & i couldn't stop, neither could he.
so he pressed into me & i swayed back a little.
this was just too much for words.

a rythm was born between us.

guilt drive me insane, because i cannot help but want that again. and again.

Tue, 22 Jun 2004 15:43:19 GMT

i had the craziest dream ever last night.
and i just spent the last half hour thinking whether it really happend or not.

the end.

hug your knees and pray to god it will be over soon

Sat, 19 Jun 2004 17:36:38 GMT

OK, so everything's a real big mess right now.
i'll figure it all out soon enough.

but, last night was pretty chill. wudd up jealousy?
sean and janelle reunite. slow motion for me.

i hate cold weather. i'm going to get a sweatshirt on. g's up, hoezz down.

are you ready for the gas chambers little girl?

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 21:33:12 GMT

"so how's dustin?"
"who's dustin?"
"he's none of your daaammmn business, that's who"

oh, i love scaring little girls half to death with shauna.

& yeah- leanne, you're going tomorrow.<3

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 18:38:59 GMT

they say boys with nice smiles are so hard to get over; & i intend for you to be exactly that.

so never talking to you again is just out of the question.

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 00:24:47 GMT

two more fucking days.

m.s.c. with. the. birthday. girl.

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 00:19:51 GMT

i sat by the counter with a bunch of people.[your girl near me, my friends behind me & your buddy directly infront of me.] and yes. boy. you saw me. you were a little ways down the counter from me doing your job. you stood next to your girl. in your baseball cap.
& you were stunned.
stunned to see how your buddy & i were so close. to see that he was talking to me/touching me . & that he was making me laugh.
and the look on your face was priceless.
& when he turned to you & said,
"come on. make out with her already"

you looked.
& i laughed. out loud.

and then he held my hands and we look at eachother like we were in love.

& your look was even more priceless than the previous [as mean as it was.]. you looked at me. i looked at you. you were speechless & i was praying.

& your buddy didn't get any of it.
he just looked from you to me. from you, to me.
i'm beginning to think he was born blind.

our secret romance is a well kept secret.
isn't it, boy?

sorry boy.

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 18:05:56 GMT

hi, my name is janelle and i am affectionately challenged.
the first step is admitting you have a problem, right?

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 01:30:16 GMT

post a comment on anything that you want, and post it anonymously.
anything.
a story,
a secret,
a confession,
a fear,
a love - anything.

be sure to
post anonymously
and honestly.
post twice if you'd like.

come on. everyone is doing it.

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 03:08:57 GMT

believe me this is not worth it. i cannot pretend anymore.
& yes this is my giving up; for the seventh time this week. & yes this is me claiming i've had enough; but still going back for more.

does that make you happy?

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 09:34:40 GMT

oh no, janelle's got a crush on boys she shouldn't.
i'm just the fucking ideal example of the perfect little girl.

"OKAY but just because i'm in love with him.... doesn't mean i like him."

Sun, 06 Jun 2004 21:47:04 GMT

okay. everyone knows you're a misshapen piece to my broken up heart.
you don't belong.
but we've separated my pieces trying to fit you in millions of times before.
you think i'd learn.

Sat, 05 Jun 2004 18:50:31 GMT

Syk0Blink18: i just simply love you

Sat, 05 Jun 2004 17:30:59 GMT

meghan's was g-r-e-a-t. i love you, pretty lady.
[me&lindsay&lindsEy&brittany&meghan&kaylee&surrah]
got low, and dropped it like it was hot.
so much fun.

<3

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 23:44:13 GMT

i have a knack for picking out lies worse than mine. which are high and many.

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 02:17:11 GMT

if it were up to me
you wouldn't have seen me with my out of control sex hair
and smudged make up.
trust me.

Mon, 31 May 2004 06:03:29 GMT

even after a great night. & more guys than i've ever seen in one room. even after dancin' the night away with tons of people. & getting so unbelieveably hot that it was hard to walk in my drenched clothes. after being with 3 awesome people the whole night dancin' so close to eachother & being violated by some of the cutest.

after ALL OF THAT.
i STILL wished you were here.

Fri, 28 May 2004 04:00:59 GMT

really?